The Real Shit

Life’s Passions

passionsWhen I started this blog, I decided not to share my work life because the original purpose of this blog was to be my creative escape.  It’s a place where I share my inspirations and things that I love in life.  This also leads people to presume that I don’t work.  To all of you, thank you for your concern but please don’t worry about me.  I’m a grown adult who has a good financial head on her shoulders.  Just because I don’t share that side of my life doesn’t mean I don’t work and that I’m not productive.

Which leads me to my next point.  It happened last month…I was going through immigration at JFK.  The officer asked me what my job is.  It kind of stopped me in my tracks.  I had just come back from this amazing trip though Patagonia meeting all different kinds of people from different walks of life and it was like BAM!  You’re back in New York all right.  During my trip, there was maybe one person who asked me what I did for a living.  Everyone else asked me where’s your next trip?  What do you do for fun?  What are your dreams?  Why are you only traveling for 2 weeks?  It’s this American propensity to immediately ask a person we meet, “What do you do?”  It was so refreshing actually not being asked this question because quite frankly what I do to live doesn’t define me.

Living in New York City might look really glamorous from the outside and yes, my life is no doubt.  But I wouldn’t be able to have this lifestyle without living with my boyfriend and also working one or two jobs at a time.  It’s a very expensive city to live in and to be able to take advantage of all the things the city has to offer, there is a certain amount of work/life balance that is sacrificed.  I rarely see my boyfriend, family and friends.  This is why when I do have plans with my loved ones, I get really excited.  By no means am I trying to garner sympathy for my life, it is absolutely amazing but I want to be honest.  I don’t always live with my head in the clouds.

This brings me to the title of this post, life’s passions.  Have you ever dreamed from your desk or cubicle what it would be like to actually try and do all the things you’ve been wanting to do but were too scared?  The things that you love in life and make them into your career?  When I quit my corporate job 2 years ago, I went on a quest to find my dream job.  It was easier said than done of course.  It’s also been an emotional roller coaster of self doubt, meltdowns, and paralyzing bouts of fear.  A sane-minded person would just get a regular 9 – 5 job (or in New York a 8 – 8 job) and call it a day.  But I am a relentless proponent of happiness and finding what you love.  If money wasn’t a factor, what is your dream?

My mom is my biggest supporter.  She texts me every morning, “don’t give up your dream.”  It’s so hard to even pinpoint what my dream even is.  Do you even know?  We go through our childhood being asked, what do you want to be when you grow up.  Then we work really hard through high school and college and somewhere between college and graduation, our priorities change.  We want to make money and we want to make our parents proud.  We have to pay back our loans…life just happens.  Somewhere along the line, we lose ourselves and we forget the dreams that drove us in the first place.

One major lesson I’ve learned is that sometimes passions don’t translate into careers.  Last Fall, I was getting a lot of attention for the baking on my blog.  I immediately thought this would be a great chance for me to start a catering business.  I love baking and I can make money…a no-brainer right?  Wrong.  Baking on a larger scale was really stressful for me and I forgot why I loved it in the first place.  The stress of making large quantities in a short amount of time in my small ass kitchen was not my idea of zen.  I was doing my little side baking business and working at the same time and I thought I was going crazy.  Every time I would get an order for a pie or cake pops I would cringe.  Another lesson learned…at least I tried and I know for sure that catering is not for me.

The photo above is of the fruit tarts that I made this past weekend.  One of the only few things I’ve baked this year purely out of love.  So there it is…I’ve pretty much laid it out there and now I feel really naked and vulnerable.  Two years later, I’m more confident, happier, and I live everyday with gratitude.  That’s something that never would’ve happened if I didn’t take the chance and take a big leap of faith, not knowing what the future held.  All I can say is fear cripples you and it prevents you from achieving your dreams.  I’m still on my quest but I’m closer to my dream than I ever was.